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2) Indignation because the periodic table doesn't include dilithium and tritanium.
3) Able to use "variable phase inverter" in a sentence without excessive thought first
4) More than one pair of Spock ears in junk drawer
5) Have figured out the stardate system
6) Sudden urge to wear lots of Lycra
7) Scanning shelves at local liquor store for synthehol
8) The Star Trek theme becomes background music for your dreams
9) Major quote sources for thesis are Shakespeare, the Bible, and "The Omega Glory"
10) Memorization of the crew's authorization codes
11) Forgetting that present-day elevators don't have voice interface
12) Attending a convention wearing non-Terran vestments
13) Actual serious thoughts about buying that $300 model of the enterprise from the Franklin Mint
14) Understanding Klingon
15) Lecturing any science professor on how transporters work
16) Playing fizzbin and understanding it
17) "The Outrageous Okona" seems like a fine piece of writing and dramatic stylistics
18) Paying rapt attention during those endless special effects sequences in ST:TMP
19) Inexplicable rock-climbing urges
20) More than three original episode outlines buried in your drawers
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19) A redshirt manages to avoid the thrown knife, phaser shot, arrow, or whatever.
18) McCoy says, "On second thought, maybe I'm a carpenter and NOT a doctor after all."
17) The deflector shields hold through the duration of the battle.
16) Kirk meets a woman whom he's known for years but never had sex with.
15) Sulu and Chekov get to do something interesting.
14) Kirk says, "Uhura, I'm frightened."
13) Kirk gets Court-martialed for violating the Prime Directive.
12) A Klingon says to a companion, "Hey, I like you."
11) Harry Mudd manages to turn a healthy profit selling something legal.
10) An android race turns out to be completely friendly and not threatening or menacing in any way.
9) Some patient of McCoy's who's NOT a central character lives.
8) The crew of the original Enterprise disperse, Sulu gets his own ship, and nobody suffers major emotional trauma.
7) A major character dies and isn't resurrected.
6) A mysterious, giant, threatening object is on a direct course for some world other than Earth.
5) Artificial intelligence and android technology make human exploration of the galaxy obsolete.
4) McCoy says, "He'll live, Jim."
3) An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface with the Enterprise's computer, only to find it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
2) A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
1) The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp experience which is in some way unconnected to the late 20th century.
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19) The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, and they are all OK.
18) Picard, Riker, and Data visit the Holodeck and it works perfectly.
17) The officers of the Enterprise encounter a new lifeform, which later turns out to be a common, well-known lifeform who was wearing a funny mask as a joke.
16) The crew if the Enterprise is struck by a mysterious illness, but the cure is found in the well-stocked sickbay storeroom.
15) The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
14) The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without a serious incident.
13) An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface with the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
12) A power surge on the bridge is correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by a well-trained engineering staff using common diagnostic equipment.
11) The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence, who apologizes for the mistake and does not put them on trial.
10) The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some candy.
9) The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called "Paradise" where everyone is happy all of the time. Eventually, they find out that everything is just as it seems - it's really a neat place to live!
8) A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
7) While being attacked by Romulans, Picard orders warp speed and the Enterprise stalls and won't start up without a call to AAA.
6) Riker falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, gets her pregnant accidentally, and winds up having to marry her and he gets court martialed.
5) Counselor Troy makes an analysis that states something other than that which is blindingly obvious.
4) The Enterprise kicks in warp speed and hits a large planet coming from the right that they didn't see in time.
3) Wesley Crusher gets beat up by his classmates for being a geek and he has to start making friends his own age for a change.
2) Data is fired from his high-ranking position because he cannot understand the most basic nuances of what people are saying to him.
1) The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp experience which is in some way unconnected with the Late 20th Century.
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19) Data swears
18) Guinan removes her hat, revealing that she is a Saturday Night Live style Conehead
17) Picard beams down
16) All of Geordi's lines are in words of two syllables or less, with no pseudo-scientific doubletalk
15) Troi runs amok with a machete
14) Barclay is really the Captain; Picard is just an ensign, and all of his "command" has been a holodeck simulation
13) No guest stars are relatives of Tasha Yar
12) Geordi gets a woman
11) Riker doesn't get a woman
10) Data states that he cannot use contractions after using one in the previous scene, and the fabric of the universe, unable to withstand the continuity error, is rent asunder
9) Picard wakes up muttering "there's no place like home"
8) Riker accepts command of another starship, the U.S.S. ZZ Top
7) Ten Forward is turned into a strip-joint, with its lead act being Beverly Crusher as "The Dancing, Disrobing Doctor"
6) Tired of not being sure whether he is a lieutenant or a chief petty officer, O'Brien beams the entire bridge crew into a black hole and assumes the rank of Captain
5) Picard fires the phasers
4) "Prime Directive" is the word of the day, entire crew goes "Aaaaahhhhh!!" at the top of their lungs whenever it is mentioned
3) Data's cat, Spot, is revealed as a Romulan spy
2) Wesley is affected the same as the rest of the crew, and a no-name security guard saves the ship
1) Picard switches from Earl Grey to Nestea Instant Tea Mix; does "Nestea Plunge" into swimming pool on holodeck
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19) The ball in Parisis' Squares
18) Hood ornament for Shuttlecraft
17) Replace Troi's broken Chia Pet
16) Scare blind students in Braille class
15) Prop open doors for maintainence crews
14) Lawn decoration in Arboreteum
13) Footstool for Captain's chair
12) entertaining kids in day care puppet show
11) Scare Alexander into doing chores
10) Send to doctor that killed Crystalline entity as gag gift
9) Decorative air filter in picard's fish tank
8) Send to Starfleet Android research center so they can get "ahead" in research
7) Trade to Ferengi for Star Trek Hologram cards
6) Two words: tether ball
5) Keep Worf's coffee table from shaking
4) Centerpiece in Ten Forward buffet
3) Donate to Starfleet Academny to be head of the class
2) Use as nutcracker at Christmas time
1) Prove to insurance company he died so crew can collect on his life insurance policy
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20) Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".
19) Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.
18) Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of warp coil now held up by phone book.
17) Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".
16) Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.
15) Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image from flickering.
14) Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
13) Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.
12) Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either side become to steep for crew to climb.
11) Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2 people on board.
10) Holodeck becomes caught in infinite loop: ship is overcome by ten thousand care bears.
9) Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni and cheese.
8) Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.
7) Bug in main computer speech proccessor: computer voice will either stutter or talk like Barbara Walters.
6) Untraceable glitch in plumbing periodically replaces water in Wesley's shower with frozen concentrated orange juice.
5) Ship's dryer indiscriminently shreds crew's uniforms, and related problem in fabrication machinery will only produce new clothing with Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.
4) Computer refuses to carry out commands unless captain says "Pretty please, with sugar on it."
3) Riker unable to sleep for 2 weeks when holodeck computer crashes and loses access to nude volleyball program.
2) Replacement parts for automatic door to captain's ready room are exhausted, and door must be replaced with bead curtains.
1) Saucer section separates whenever ship makes left turn.
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